No, the Ridiculous Accusations About Rubio's Campaign Manager Aren't True

Some people have very creative imaginations. 

Very, very creative. Or, to use another word, delusional.

A certain South Florida blogger decided this week to attempt to capitalize on the story about two staffers from the Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL) and Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) campaigns getting into an altercation at a bar on Mackinac Island, Michigan, by inserting himself into the story and telling his own salacious tale of how Rubio has a "thug" of a campaign manager.

I figured out the Noah movie...

I've read a few reviews of the new Noah movie now, most of which express some combination of incredulity and irritation at the - shall we say - "creative license" that they took with the well-known Biblical story of the guy who built a gigantic boat and gathered up critters two by two because God told him it was going to rain.

(FYI, the absolute best, IMHO, is Erick Erickson's hysterical review at RedState, in which he says "I am not kidding." about a hundred times as he takes you step-by-step through the magical creatures, inexplicably out-of-character decisions by various people, unicorn genocide, and other oddities.)

Well, I think I figured it out.

Free candy! (Please take one.)

"It's the law!!!"

Wasn't that what the Democrats kept screeching during 2012? Apparently they were just trolling us:

My calendar is broken.

Help. I need someone to send me a new calendar. Mine is broken.

Today is CLEARLY not February 10th...it HAS to be April Fool's Day:

Chelsea Clinton to Deliver #SXSW Keynote, because...ummm...?

Jim Geraghty at National Review reports that Austin's famous annual South by Southwest Conference, a several week long "music, film, and interactive festival" has selected as the keynote speaker for this year none other than Chelsea Clinton:

Lyrics: She's Got #WendyDavisLies

Some song lyrics inspired by Wendy Davis' latest little media snafu...

She's Got #WendyDavisLies

Set to the tune of "Bette Davis Eyes," by Kim Carnes

Her hair is Barbie gold
Her filibuster flies
Her heart is always cold
She’s got #WendyDavisLies
She’ll turn her sneakers on you
The media won’t question her twice
Fundraises in New York, oh
She’s got #WendyDavisLies

"Piece of mind?"

These people are running your government and taking over your health care. *shudder*

From the official White House twitter feed:

Schadenfreudalicious

Republicans in 2008: "Obama's ideas for health care reform are not good. We don't like this."

Democrats in 2008: "No, this will be awesome. Just wait."

Most epic rap video cameo by a former Congressman EVER

This is amazeballs. Earlier today, Jack Keller, an attorney friend of mine in Orlando, sent me a YouTube rap video he created, "Jack of All Trades," with a featured cameo from a familiar face for Florida politicos:

Welcome to Chicago, Texas! Wait, huh?

Oh, the entertaining perils of using stock photography...

Texas Lieutenant Governor candidate Dan Patrick launched yet another little microsite attacking his Republican primary opponents, and here's a screenshot of the page:

Sebelius offers "dead parrot" defense of Obamacare website

How Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius still has her job is beyond me.

At today's Congressional hearing, Sebelius testified, "The website never crashed." Unfortunately for her, the website had actually crashed just a few minutes before the hearing began, and remained down for much of her testimony, and CNN's split screen display was just priceless:

New video series from RNC highlights problems with Obamacare website

The RNC rolled out a new website and a series of short videos highlighting the many problems with the launch of the Obamacare website and other annoyances with the new health care law.

The videos parody the "I'm a Mac, I'm a PC" ads and are posted at obamacarecosts.org. They are also encouraging use of a hashtag, #ImObamacare.

Here's my favorite of the videos:

Looks like Jim DeMint and I have something in common

He's got his eye on us.

...neither one of us should try traveling in Russia any time soon.

Late Wednesday evening, I posted a snarky little tweet in response to Vladimir Putin's New York Times op-ed...

Hey Putin, next time you wanna write a letter to convince America about something, how about you skip saying we're not exceptional? #rude
— Sarah Rumpf (@rumpfshaker) September 12, 2013

In Texas, even the Governor's pocket tweets are awesome

Engaging in social media can be a double-edged sword for politicians (Exhibit A: Former Senator Scott Brown's infamous "bqwhatevr" tweets).

Texas Governor Rick Perry sent out a very concise one-character tweet this afternoon...

Slate writer who admits she's poorly educated says you're a bad person if you want good schools for your kids

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the Dumbest Thing You'll Read Today™...

Slate | If You Send Your Kid to Private School, You Are a Bad Person

Here's the first paragraph:

You are a bad person if you send your children to private school. Not bad like murderer bad—but bad like ruining-one-of-our-nation’s-most-essential-institutions-in-order-to-get-what’s-best-for-your-kid bad. So, pretty bad.

How dare you want what's best for your child! At least the author is nice enough to clarify that pursuing educational opportunities for your kids is not quite as evil as murdering another person. Very generous of her.

EMILY's List Demands Apology from Vogue...Just Kidding!

Elle Woods would approve of
this look, don't you think?

This is cracking me up. Certain voices on the Left whipped themselves into a frenzy of outrage when RedState's Erick Erickson referred to Texas State Senator Wendy Davis as "Abortion Barbie."

Reality check: none of these people seemed to have any problem with similar insults being flung at Sarah Palin, and Davis is a very attractive, slender blonde who is known for wearing stylish clothes. I've heard more than one friend who's worked in the Capitol mention her seemingly endless collection of Louboutin shoes. Forgive me for thinking that this isn't really the Worst Insult Ever™.

Most. Optimistic. Local. News. Station. EVER.

Apparently Central Florida didn't get being the center of a media circus out of its system during the Casey Anthony trial, because here we are again with George Zimmerman.

[Note: I'm not going to comment on the specifics of the trial because 1) I haven't been following it closely enough to feel informed, 2) I'm pretty sure the internet isn't suffering from a lack of people offering commentary; and 3) there's approximately eleventy bazillion things I'd rather write about.]

Anyway! From what I've seen on social media the past few days, the trial has been quite...entertaining. (A witness testified she could hear grass? Huh? Yeah, I'm OK not watching every minute of this.) And then WFTV tweeted this:

Even Frankie Muniz gets it - Promoting Susan Rice is an #ObamaFail

Susan Rice has been a disaster as UN Ambassador, so of course Obama is rewarding her with a promotion; she will be Obama's new National Security Adviser.

Semper Lentum (101 uses for duct tape, brought to you by the Marines)

Here's a little something fun for your Tuesday afternoon.

A friend sent me a link with "101 uses" for duct tape that was posted on the Marine Corps Times website:

101 uses for 100-mph tape 

Florida Democrat State Rep. Mike Clelland finds himself in hole; keeps digging; accomplishes nothing

Gotta love politicians...seems like they are skilled at putting their feet in their mouths like nobody else out there.

President of the Foot-in-Mouth Club for this week is freshman Florida State Representative Mike Clelland, a Democrat who benefited from an Obama reelection year boost (which will not be factor when Scott Plakon faces off against him in 2014) and represents a very Republican district in Seminole County.

Clelland jumped into the spotlight earlier this week, when he made comments about a proposed amendment to a bill regarding physical fitness requirements for firefighters that were interpreted by many as disparaging to women. As Tom Tillison at BizPac Review reported yesterday: