Every time Charlie Crist has been asked about his day-glo tan, he has insisted that he is not fake-baking, but rather that his hue derives from his Greek heritage.
I did some thinking about this awhile ago, and the thing is, a lot of Greeks may be tan (or at least tanner than my German-Irish background leaves me!) but Greek people are not orange.
There are only three kinds of people who are orange:
1. Tanning bed addicts. George Hamilton is curiously almost exactly the same shade as Charlie (a fact noticed by one of my favorite humorists on Twitter, Charlie Crist's Fan). I'll give Charlie the benefit of the doubt and just assume he's not lying...at least until a new governor gets elected and finds the upgraded power outlets in the Governor's Mansion.
2. People who eat way too many carrots. It's not an urban legend: if you eat an insane amount of carrots, you'll turn orange in about a month from "carotenosis." Now I don't have any insider knowledge about what the Governor's kitchen crew are serving for dinner every night, but carrot overdoses just don't seem likely.
...so that leaves only one option left...
3. Oompa Loompas. Willy Wonka's favorite slave labor (one of the few valid justifications for unionization that I've ever seen) are well known for their citrus-hued skin, as pictured here from the original (and far superior) 1971 version of the film:
OK, now compare the above picture to Charlie:
Freakishly, suspiciously similar, aren't they? Now, fans of Roald Dahl's work will remember that native Oompa Loompas are fairly short...usually described as knee-high. Well, most Chinese people are, on average, shorter than most Americans, but that Yao Ming guy is the tallest current player in the NBA (at 7'6"). The obvious explanation is that Charlie is the Yao Ming of the Oompa Loompa world.
I'm not the only one to notice this Charlie-Oompa Loompa connection. A blogger named Ulysses posted this great comment after Charlie announced he was going independent:
Awesome. It’s about time we said goodbye to politicians who feign loyalty to party, statements made three weeks ago, or natural skin colors. It’s all about you, Charlie.
If Florida elects you, do we all get free Everlasting Gobstoppers to go along with our free health care?